may day.

a year ago today
i had a doctor's appointment.
i went in via wheelchair
feeling no different than the day before
and the day before that.

i was told i would be induced may 4
my due date
because my doctor wanted to make sure special care was taken with my leg.
i would be induced because i wasn't dilated
and had no signs of labor.

i remember feeling so disappointed
that the birth of our daughter
would have no element of surprise.

we went to target.
i bought a small decaf starbucks
and sushi.

we drove through taco john's.
bill bought burritos.
we had no idea we'd never get to enjoy this food.

as i hobbled up the two stairs into my parents house with my walker
i stopped short.
a warm sensation.
a draining sensation.
as if my body was disposing of something it no longer needed.
and it just kept coming.

i looked at my husband with all the humility of a four-year old child
"i think i just peed my pants"
there was a hesitation
and then with sympathy in his voice he said,
"that's okay, honey"

"i can't stop."

moments passed as we stared at one another.
"do you think...?" he started.

i went to the bathroom and changed my clothes
somewhat awkwardly
and found my spot in my dad's recliner with my starbucks in hand.

"don't you think you should call the doctor?"
just let me drink my coffee.

dad: "aim, i'm pretty sure it was your water. i think you better call."

reluctantly, i set down my coffee, pushed aside my sushi and dialed the phone.

nurse: "i think you better come on in."

our lives were about to change all over again...